Pat Schneider Poem

The Patience of Ordinary Things

"It is a kind of love, is it not?
How the cup holds the tea.
How the chair stands sturdy and foursquare
How the floor receives the bottom of shoes or toes.
How soles of feet know where they’re supposed to be
I’ve been thinking about the patience of ordinary things
How clothes wait respectfully in closets
And soap dries quietly in a dish
And towels drink the wet from the skin of the back
And the lovely repetition of stairs
And what is more generous than a window?"

Pat Schneider
From: Another River, New and Selected Poems

New York Love

I met a man today, actually a customer at the coffee shop where I work who told me a great story.
He told me how he took his girlfriend to to Times Square to ring in the new year. The new year being 1960. It was of course crowded and a little scary for them to be in a big city, but they had such a great experience, that when they got married the next year they decided to do so in New York, as a way to pay homage to a city that brought them together.

It made me think that a great characteristic of a potential partner is how they can make you feel at ease in times of chaos and stress. I hope to find such a person and wish the same for all of you.

Was it a love lost, or was it just lost?

I don’t want to confront my feelings from outside. I want to be mixed up in them when I think about them. In fact, I’m not sure that I can look at them from the outside, really. If I could do that it might be because I’m a mental case, and no one wants to be a mental case right?

Someone I know told me about her new philosophy on platonic relationships- she says they don’t exist. She says she isn’t interested in friendships anymore. She just wants “to fuck”. Another person put it eloquently as “she wants fuckships, not friendships”.

All of our relationships are doomed really whether we break up with someone or not. Life is doomed; and because life is doomed I have thought about love more often. Why not have love that is doomed than no love at all? If nothing in life is perfect, what is it that we search for love that is? Why do we care what people think about our love? Is it their business? Do we care what they think, really? Won’t we date and love with or without our friends or family’s blessings?

Of course we will. Love supposedly has the power to conquer all. It is this power that we have no control over. This is why we see people who are dating, married, etc. whom we think must be in love, truly. One of the two people are unattractive or unintelligent, something that makes them and unlikely couple. Aren’t these the most endearing, romantic couples?

I’m not sure what this means for relationships now. I suppose you have to like yourself enough to love and be loved. What of the people that really aren’t sure how to like themselves?

Sometimes, socially, never.

How pathetic is online dating? Perhaps not pathetic at all.

When one signs up to date online, is it because he has exhausted in person, because he is lazy, or is it because there really is just no one to meet in his city/area? I think in my case there just really isn't a place to meet guys. Sure, there are some bars in some other cities close by, but what if I don't like meeting people in bars? Do I have to suck it up and do it anyway? Perhaps.

That said, I set up a online profile (took around 1.5 hrs) that included all kinds of info about me and then tons of info about who I wanted to date. This took the longest amount of time. I kept thinking that by not choosing a type in a category I was weeding out Mr. Right without even knowing it. For example, the system asks about smoking. I chose "not at all" but could have also chosen "sometimes", "socially", "every day", etc. and the system lets you choose one or more of these. I really didn't want to date a guy who smokes, period. but I caved when I thought about missing out on "the guy".
Each category- race, body type, education, income, children, etc had multiple selections. On almost every category I selected them all. I'll weed the guys out when I can see their entire profiles. More to choose from that way.

I wonder who is missing out on seeing my profile because I said I never smoke, have an average body and like to go hiking?

I have a time-share I'd like to sell you.

I love movies. I love escaping into them. I love becoming engrossed into the characters lives and situations. I love getting to leave them behind at then end of 2-3 hours and going back to them on my terms.

I’ve been in communication with an ex from home. He isn’t “home” and neither am I really but it feels like home to even be on his radar. It was a love. It still is a love. But I wonder how much of that love is fleeting, like the love I have for characters in movies. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be compared to movie characters, and really, unless it’s a great movie, who is like the people on the screen? But I’m getting away from the point I’m trying to make here. There is a point, I think.

I haven’t dated someone in years, getting close to 4 years now really, and I think for a lot of people that would be unsettling or heart breaking. Not me. I don’t really think about it too much, but lately I’ve wanted to “be with someone”. Sharing time with someone else is one of the most romantic ways I’ve heard someone put love. It really is love to share time with someone else. Both parties sacrifice their own time to be with that person. I’m not sure sacrifice is the best way of putting it, but you know what I mean.

I think I’m finally ready to share time with someone. No, I’m more than ready; I’m aching to share time with someone. I’ve wrestled with the thought of chalking up my recent feeling to being generally alone, but I’m not generally alone. I work in an environment where alone doesn’t happen, I attend school, and frequently go out at night. Alone isn’t my problem. My problem is the lack of another. Now, I can’t go out looking for another, I’ll drive everyone away with my talks of sharing time and not being alone. I’m going to have to simply make myself available for another. That’s going to be hard.

It wasn’t hard to be with my ex. He was a lot of what people look for in a mate. Caring, supportive, loving, available, and compassionate. I loved being his. The problem was that I wasn’t what a lot of people look for in a mate. I was selfish, sarcastic, cynical, distant, and inconsistently loving, a jerk really. Anyway, I’m learning to be less sarcastic, selfish, and have almost worked through the cynicism. I try to be present when I’m with other people, and will continue to learn how to love for the rest of my life I’m guessing.

Thanks for sharing some time, and keep sharing with others, loving others, and doing what you know is true and right.

I’ll try to do the same.