GenDAR: finding men, women, more

I am an out member of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transexual, queer (GLBTQ) community. I don't just make scones and write about decor. In regard to this community I thought in my head, "if I ever question people's desires or feelings I would be 'the pot calling the kettle black'". No questions really had ever come up though... until I started reading Helen Boyd's She's Not the Man I Married. This is a true account of two people in love, both going through gender-bending/redefining evolutions. You should look into it more here.

As I read the book I would wonder what it would be like to have the feeling that I was in fact not a male, but a female trapped in a male's body. I tried to imagine it but it never came. I know what it feels like to think my sexual attractions are wrong, but I've always been pretty comfortable with my maleness. I have wondered how much of someone's gender is innate and how much of it is learned or forced on by others, a past blog has some insight about that.

At any rate, I'm very excited about learning more about gender and hearing from Helen Boyd at a conference called "Bodies of Knowledge", held at the University of South Carolina-Upstate on April 11th.
If you happen to be in the Upstate of South Carolina or surrounding areas please do consider going, and everyone should at least read some excerpts from Helen Boyd's books.

Un homme et une femme

Gender is strange. I'll just go ahead and say that first. At least gender roles sure are. I was thinking of this because I received my final copy of Men's Journal today. I also subscribed to GQ, OUT, Time, and US News and World Report for a year. To be honest I read the Time, looked at the editorial in US News, skimmed the GQ for fashion tips that I didn't use and read OUT cover to cover. All of these magazines have men in them. Lots of men really as the all cater to men. When I saw that today's copy of Men's Jounral was my last I found myself asking why I even subscribed to it. Then I looked at my coffee table. All those magazine titles where sitting around- all telling me something about men.
I don't think the fascination is due to my sexual orientation, but rather the hunt to find what a real man is. I've had some direct examples in my life, but very rarely have been referred to as "a man". I know I'm not a woman and therefore a man, but it took me a while to know that the oil needed changing in my car (that a little light wouldn't come on to tell me) or that hammers, screwdrivers, drills and saws were fun things. The jury is still out about the amusement level of these tools.
What became painfully clear only moments ago is that there was no big brother, no uncle, no older guy friends to put a tool in my hand or a guard on my shin. My dad took me camping, played basketball, signed me up for t-ball, etc. but it was never thrust on me as being vital.

I'm thankful for that and wonder that if more kids didn't have gender based norms thrown at them left and right growing up how much harder it would be to peg things as girly or masculine. Wouldn't that be much more interesting?
So in my search for what a real man is...I've decided there is no such thing.

If you think raising a child in the manner my parents chose had something to do with who I am today you're right, if you think that includes my sexuality you're not alone in being wrong.