Gender is strange. I'll just go ahead and say that first. At least gender roles sure are. I was thinking of this because I received my final copy of Men's Journal today. I also subscribed to GQ, OUT, Time, and US News and World Report for a year. To be honest I read the Time, looked at the editorial in US News, skimmed the GQ for fashion tips that I didn't use and read OUT cover to cover. All of these magazines have men in them. Lots of men really as
the all cater to men. When I saw that today's copy of Men's Jounral was my last I
found myself asking why I even subscribed to it. Then I looked at my coffee table. All those magazine titles where sitting around- all telling me something about men.
I don't think the fascination is due to my sexual orientation, but rather the hunt to find what a real man is. I've had some direct examples in my life, but very rarely have been referred to as "a man". I know I'm not a woman and therefore a man, but it took me a while to know that the oil needed changing in my car (that a little light wouldn't come on to tell me) or that hammers, screwdrivers, drills and saws were fun things. The jury is still out about the amusement level of these tools.
What became painfully clear only moments ago is that there was no big brother, no uncle, no older guy friends to put a tool in my hand or a guard on my shin. My dad took me camping, played basketball, signed me up for t-ball, etc. but it was never thrust on me as being vital.
I'm thankful for that and wonder that if more kids didn't have gender based norms thrown at them left and right growing up how much harder it would be to peg things as girly or masculine. Wouldn't that be much more interesting?
So in my search for what a real man is...I've decided there is no such thing.
If you think raising a child in the manner my parents chose had something to do with who I am today you're right, if you think that includes my sexuality you're not alone in being wrong.
3 comments:
it could have been strange if you had been on when i read it. but it is interesting to think about how different things would be if we didn't label activities.
I don't think "activities" make up someone's gender. I played Indiana Jones and Star Wars when I was a kid and played basketball and climbed trees, all pretty "boyish" things. I know grown men who like to needlepoint. To be honest I think there are very clear gender lines, but in our modern attempt to ignore them and pretend there is no difference we've made the line blurry. It's not from allowing kids to do what they want, or from labeling activities and hobbies masculine or feminine, it stems from the belief that men and women bring the same thing to the table. They don't.
I completely agree. When i was growing up my mother had me playing sports and when i told her i wanted to take dance classes she would only let me sign up for tap because jazz, Broadway, and ballet were not manly enough. I have always wondered how different i would have been if i would have been able to do the things not looked at as "masculine". Would i have been the same person? It is an interesting question.
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