I have a time-share I'd like to sell you.

I love movies. I love escaping into them. I love becoming engrossed into the characters lives and situations. I love getting to leave them behind at then end of 2-3 hours and going back to them on my terms.

I’ve been in communication with an ex from home. He isn’t “home” and neither am I really but it feels like home to even be on his radar. It was a love. It still is a love. But I wonder how much of that love is fleeting, like the love I have for characters in movies. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be compared to movie characters, and really, unless it’s a great movie, who is like the people on the screen? But I’m getting away from the point I’m trying to make here. There is a point, I think.

I haven’t dated someone in years, getting close to 4 years now really, and I think for a lot of people that would be unsettling or heart breaking. Not me. I don’t really think about it too much, but lately I’ve wanted to “be with someone”. Sharing time with someone else is one of the most romantic ways I’ve heard someone put love. It really is love to share time with someone else. Both parties sacrifice their own time to be with that person. I’m not sure sacrifice is the best way of putting it, but you know what I mean.

I think I’m finally ready to share time with someone. No, I’m more than ready; I’m aching to share time with someone. I’ve wrestled with the thought of chalking up my recent feeling to being generally alone, but I’m not generally alone. I work in an environment where alone doesn’t happen, I attend school, and frequently go out at night. Alone isn’t my problem. My problem is the lack of another. Now, I can’t go out looking for another, I’ll drive everyone away with my talks of sharing time and not being alone. I’m going to have to simply make myself available for another. That’s going to be hard.

It wasn’t hard to be with my ex. He was a lot of what people look for in a mate. Caring, supportive, loving, available, and compassionate. I loved being his. The problem was that I wasn’t what a lot of people look for in a mate. I was selfish, sarcastic, cynical, distant, and inconsistently loving, a jerk really. Anyway, I’m learning to be less sarcastic, selfish, and have almost worked through the cynicism. I try to be present when I’m with other people, and will continue to learn how to love for the rest of my life I’m guessing.

Thanks for sharing some time, and keep sharing with others, loving others, and doing what you know is true and right.

I’ll try to do the same.